COUGAR

We were in the Landmark, the book store. I was enjoying every moment with her in the comfort of the sofa in Landmark. We were talking, or may be she was talking and I was not bored with the same things she was speaking when we used to talk on phone. Even while I was going through the books in the shelf near-by, I was also checking out the sales girl out there. She was in her smart blue t-shirt. She was really cute.  I was continuously looking at her and was not actually listening to what Shilpa was speaking.  Shilpa kept her hands over my shoulder and it was reflex action that I pushed her hands away. What was wrong with me? I just got a flashing memory of my first love. It’s been long 8 years now, after our relationship had ended, but I still don’t want anyone to do what she used to do.

She used to keep her hands over my shoulder and I hated it so much that I always pushed her hands off my shoulder. She used to love that and did it over and over again. I was 18 then and was afraid of public display of affection. I don’t know whether keeping a hand over my shoulder qualify for pubic display of affection. I’ll tell her story one day. It was an old fashioned love story where we actually wrote love letters as there were no affordable mobile services in those days. But yes I was in love with her like anything. I couldn’t imagine anyone other than her. But things didn’t work out the way it had to. Shilpa asked me what is wrong with me and I told nothing. I got the flashes of my first love just as she kept her hands over my shoulders. It’s been 8 years and still I’ve not moved on.

Shilpa is a good friend of mine and I’m here to discuss some important decision in my life with her. I was in total soup and was planning to marry a girl whom I met a year back in Mumbai through a common friend. I wanted to talk about this relationship to Shilpa as there is no one here in Mumbai whom I could talk about this relationship.  I’ve no idea how I’ll convince my parents for this relationship.  I actually sat down to write down the positives and negatives of this relationship. The list of negatives over shadowed list of positives I made. I still wanted to be with her. Is it just the physical thing that is binding me to this relation?  My friend Kashy always says “Think with your brain not with your Dick”. I tied to convince myself that I’m thinking with my brain and I concluded that, if you think Heart is Dick, then yes, I’m thinking with my heart. I was lost in thoughts when Shilpa shook me up. “Come on lets grab a coffee”

When we were in the coffee shop, I was back in to my senses and Shilpa asked me to narrate my story from the beginning.  Taking a sip of my coffee I started my narration.

We met in a party of a common friend. It was casual and she looked much younger to her age. I was surprised to know that she was in the top management. I did get surprised and asked her age and she just told me that she was 79 born. This is real shit; I was flirting with a girl who is 5 years elder to me. Some how age difference between us doesn’t matter as I had no plan to marry her. I just continued flirting with her. First meeting was eventless if you remove that, she actually told me her age in our first meeting.   Next Saturday she called me up and asked if I was free in the evening. As usual I was always free for a beautiful lady. We went out to a pub with her friends and she wanted me to be with her as the couple entry is free. We partied whole night and we parted our ways in the early morning.

Things continued like this for some time and one day I was actually with her in her bedroom. There was no need to talk and she perfectly knew what was happening when my hands were under her top moving around her bosoms with our lips locked. It was so wonderful and beautiful. When I got up in the morning she was already up and made coffee for both of us.

I had no idea, she had a surprise in store for me after that wonderful night. We  were never alone like this and had never talked much about our families. That Sunday morning threw me a surprise that she was a divorcee.  I always knew I was not in the right track and I should stop being with her. Somehow I couldn't control myself and I kept meeting her every week. Phone calls became an integral part of our relationship. Our relationship moved above the physical barrier and we actually considered getting married. I always wanted to marry a rich girl. She is already rich and in top management and earning five times my salary. What else could I ask for? Financially I’ll become very strong the moment I marry her.

I was confused. All logic says I should not marry a divorcee who is five years elder to me. I knew all the pros and cons but still my heart says I should make a life with her.  My parents will be against this but at the end they will also agree to what I want. I will be staying almost 350 days in a year away home so it should not matter much to my parents. I was making points to convince myself. I’m here with Shilpa to get her views on this relationship. I didn’t want to tell anyone in Mumbai about her as they all know her and I don’t want people to look at her in a different way.

She was speechless and patiently listening to what I was saying.  She held my hands and looked at to eyes and asked me what is wrong with me? Why are you doing this? Getting married to a divorcee, five years elder to me just for money? I interrupted her and told that, I was not getting married for money. I love her and wanted to live with her. Shilpa didn’t talk for a minute and she started speaking.

You will have to face lot of ego issues as she is earning more than what you are earning. Even though she is in a different organization she is in the top management and will climb up much higher in the organizational ladder very soon. She is already in her thirties and would not be sexually active for much long. I’m not saying sex is everything, but it has a very important role in the relationship.  If she is not sexually active after sometime you may look out to satisfy yourself, which will definitely created some problem in the relationship.  You are not the first one to have such a relationship. Even Sachin Tendulkar has such a relationship, where his partner is elder to him. They are having successful married life but not every such relationship need to be successful. You should be logical in making a life changing decision. I would suggest you should think again about this marriage stuff and take a logical decision.

I already knew all these things but she lectured me about it as she was an expert in cougar relationships. My readers, please don’t read the below points I’ve noted from our conversation if it doesn’t encourage you. It was a boring lecture. 

Older woman with younger man romance or marriage is not a matter of awe anymore. Many men have found love, harmony and happiness with older women. Nowadays age is no more a criteria when it comes to matters of the heart. Earlier that was not the case and the woman involved in such a relationship was considered a ‘cradle snatcher’. Actually what makes guys attracted to older woman? The below mentioned may be some reasons or benefits of having an older woman as partner.

Maturity and Confidence: The older women bring a sense of maturity and confidence into the relationships. Older Woman has more experience with men and is more stable compared with younger women and men feel more comfortable with them. Young women tend to be more fickle minded compared to mature women. Mature women know what they want and are much responsible in handling relationship. Older women by default bring more life experiences into the relationship and therefore nurture the growth of their partner without trying to be in command of the relationship.

Older women are taboo: This factor makes young men attracted to them. Our Society is used to see older men and younger woman more than the other way round and thereby offer more acceptance to such relationships. The normal tendency of people is that they want what they cannot have or what is a ‘forbidden fruit’.

Lesser Competition: Young women may have several men chasing after them. Older women offer an alternative. Also to an older woman a young man feels more attractive and boost to her ego that she tends to shower her attraction on him. Also there are many liberated and attractive older women known colloquially as ‘cougars’ hunting for younger guys in places like the internet or bars looking for some fun life of a single and are easily available.

Taking Charge: Young men do not have much experience with women and may not know what to expect with women. And it helps to have ‘take charge’ kind of women as a partner who has already been in the same situation earlier. Many people also agree to the fact that sex gets better with age and getting an experienced partner is considered a plus because older women know what they want and they have experience towards pleasing a man. Older Woman also mostly takes care of the fact that they don’t get pregnant by using contraceptive pills to protect them.

Intelligent and Confident: People gain more confidence as they grow older. Many young men find older woman attractive as tend to be less superficial. A conversation with an older woman can be interesting and intellectual whereas majority of younger woman tend to be silly, immature and sometimes shallow.

Independence: Majority of Older women is financially independent and has successful careers. Men like it when his partner is self-sufficient and self-supportive and don’t need him to take care of her.

The need for Mothering: It is said that all males have a child in them. An Older woman can easily fulfil that need in them.

Attraction and Love: While some may find it odd that some young man surrounded by girls his age would find an older woman attractive. This is because they many older women are attractive and may even find romance or love in them. How many men can resist 40+ women like Uma Thurman or Mimi Rogers or the Indian actress Maduri Dixit?

I had no idea what she was talking and only thing I could understand is that, I should not go ahead with this relationship. Now the real trouble is that how can I tell her that, I want to move out of this relationship? Why my relationships die so young? Will I be able to live without her? I’m not a person who will forget things so soon and can move on.  Even after 8 years I can feel my first love. May be they are right that love happens only once and rest everything is just an adjustment. Has it already happened to me or is it yet to happen?

I could have send her a SMS and told her it is over or could have called her up and told her. I always knew that I will not be able to speak it so easily when she is in front of me. I went back to old days. I actually sat down to write a letter. I wrote my mind and my decision in the letter. I walked to her house with the letter in my hand. I was tensed as a girl who is about to be kissed by her first extra marital affair. I was walking ahead with a heavy heart and decision that I’ve taken.

When I rang the door bell my fingers were shaking. My fears and tension vanished away as the door was opened. There were lot of people inside the house. I was confused what was happening and at the same time I was tensed that anything wrong had happened to her. I was relived when I saw her. She offered me a drink and I realized the party was hosted to celebrate her decision to marry again. I was shocked to know it. When the party was over and everyone was gone she came and sat next to me. We didn’t talk for few seconds and she started speaking.

Love happens only once and I was in love with my BF whom I married. There were some differences and we divorced and now he has realized his mistakes and has come back and wants me as his wife again. I enjoyed every moment with you, but I just cannot forget my first love. I didn’t know what to say. I hugged her tight and told her I love her and I walked out. I still had the letter in my hands. I was walking in the lonely streets all alone when my hands shaped the letter to a paper plane and I launched it high and saw it landing over the dump yard.

I was walking in the moonlight and my mind was blank when I felt a hand over my shoulder and I was surprised to see my first love standing next to me. I started walking again and she kept her hands over my shoulder and kept walking along. I knew it cannot be the truth and I was dreaming. Somehow I didn’t want to wake up from this dream and walked along with her.