Harshini

Local Trains are the life lines of Mumbai. If local trains don’t run one day in Mumbai it will affect the economy of India. Such is the importance of them. The train was crowded like hell. I was going to my office.  I was singing “Happy B’day” jingle over the phone. I didn’t care about the staring co-passengers. I don’t remember last time when did I cry. Today once I completed the Happy B’day Jingle my eyes were moist. I know Harshini would have heard every word I sang even though she cannot respond. I still remember our first meeting.

Vjay Dhoble was making news everyday. He is the Assistant Commissioner of Police (Social Service Branch).  He was on a rampage to fight against the anti social elements. I never thought I’ll meet him in such an awkward situation.  One of my friends had invited me for a party in Juhu. I had no idea this party would land me up in police custody.  It was the best party I’ve attended till that day. Everything stopped as soon as a bunch of cops led by ACP rushed into the party hall. Everyone was pushed out of the party hall and in that process a 16 year old girl fell over my shoulders. She was not in her consciousness. I held het tightly so that she doesn’t fall down. I slowly removed the black silky hair from her face with my fingers.  That was the first sight of my beautiful Harshini.

Harshini appeared no less then a budding beauty queen. Harshini was a rare combination of Simplicity, Beauty and Wisdom. A glimpse of her could fill any man’s mind with various fantasies of spending a lifetime with her. Those who did not feel that ways could rush to a physician for a through check-up and advice, and those who shared the sentiment would agree that she was the one. No man would have wished to take her as a daughter or a sister. Nevertheless, I did, as both. Not that I needed medical advice to reassure myself about my manhood, but then at times, restraint is also a test that manhood needs to undergo. I did. I passed and yet I think I had failed in a way.

She was taken away from my hands by a lady cop and I just stood help less. That whole night in the police lockup I was only thinking about her. I didn’t even feel the pain when cops collected my blood samples for checking if I’ve consumed illegal drugs. She was special. She must be 16 year old girl but I was looking at her with a fatherly or brotherly affection. I never had this feeling before. I had no idea, what was wrong with me? I wanted to meet her as soon as I get out of this police station.  

I straight away went to the hospital, which the lady cop told me, where Harshini was admitted that day. I had no idea what her name was. I some how managed to get a glimpse of her through the glass window of ICU. She was sleeping like a little baby. I was staring at her innocent face like a first time dad would look at his kid when handed over for the first time. I was woken up from by dream world when some one opened the door of ICU. It was a beautiful woman in her late 30s. It was not her beauty that struck me, but for moment we were staring at each other like we just fell in love at first sight. When she came into her senses, expression in her eyes changed.  She looked worried. She just walked away even before saying a single word. I just looked at her as she walked away. She looked back at least, three times before she moved out of my sight.

I made it a habit to visit the hospital and enquire about Harshini’s development with the doctor. It was difficult for me to stay with out her glimpse once in a day. Now I have another reason to visit the hospital.  My new found reason happened to be Harshini’s mom.  She was not looking like a mother of 16 year old. She was elegant and always carried herself to the best.

It was on the third day when she actually spoke to me. I told her everything, where I and Harshini met and how I cannot stay with out her glimpse, atleast once in a day. She invited me for lunch at her place. I accepted the offer without any hesitation. It was an old building with a beautiful garden outside. It looked so familiar to me. During our lunch she talked about her love. She told me how her love met with an accident and left her all alone in this world. She told me that, she was in a state of shock for 2 years. It looked strange to me. I almost felt that I knew this couple for long. When she was narrating her love story, I felt as if I was watching the same movie again and again. It was still okay till she showed me her BFs photos. It looked like a science fiction movie where you travel in time.

I couldn’t believe my eyes. Her BF looked exactly like me. He looked funny with his hippy style hair and bell bottom pants. Now I know why she was staring at me when we first met. I also know why she invited me to her home that day. Is she thinking that, I’m her BF’s re-birth? I had no idea, about what she was thinking, but I was convinced about one thing that I had a romantic attraction towards her rather than towards her daughter.  Am I really a re-birth? I was getting strangled with my thoughts when she came and put her hands over my shoulder.  She asked me what is wrong with me and I said I’m fine and told her I need to leave. I was getting uncomfortable with her presence. She came too close to me that I could feel her breath and I knew it was high time to get out of this house. I slowly made my way towards the exit and waved goodbye to her.

I wanted some peace of mind. I somehow managed to call my Ex for a dinner date. I badly wanted to get away from the thoughts of Harshini’s mom. I wanted to make me believe that I’m not a re-birth. We had a romantic dinner and we were drunk like we always would before we get into the act. It was quite sometime I got laid and I badly wanted it to happen. I went to her place and as usual we didn’t have the patience to reach the bedroom. We started our act in the living room itself. Today it was different. I always felt love and sex are two different things. But today I was not mentally present there. Half way though she could feel that and she stopped and pushed me apart.

She pulled my jeans which was lying on the floor and took B&H out of its pocket and started fagging. This is a ritual we follow once we are done with the act, but today she had started doing it in the middle. I just sat there looking at her like a school kid who had not performed well in his mid-term exam.  She passed me the cancer stick and I took a deep puff. I’m sorry sweetheart, I cannot do it.  I took my jeans from her hands and got dressed up as quickly as possible. I handed over the cancer stick back to her.  I walked out of her door when she just looked at me with her blank expression. It was the first time in my life I’ve walked out in between the act.  I just looked back and could see her mixing some weed into my foreign imported cancer stick. I really wanted to take a puff, but decided not to. My mind was wandering like a kite without string.

It’s been a week since I’ve had lunch with Harshini’s mom. I decided to visit her and get a glimpse of Harshini. I stopped a moment before I rang the door bell. Even before I could ring the bell the door opened in front of me. Harshini’s mom hugged and welcomed me in. I made myself comfortable in the imported sofa. My eyes were searching for Harshini. She walked out of her room,  She was wearing white shorts and blue t-shirt and was holding an i-pad in her hand. She waved her hand at me and I did the same. This was the first time I was seeing her in consciousness.  She was looking like a beautiful angel who was here to spread happiness in this world.

I asked her, what is her name. She didn’t speak anything. Her mom told her name is Harshini and she cannot speak. She never looked like a child who cannot speak. I suddenly became speechless as I didn’t know what to speak from there.  Harshini took control over the situation and she started conversing with me through sign language. In the beginning her mom was our translator.  It didn’t take me long to learn sign language and Harshini to learn my lip reading. We enjoyed each other’s company very much.

I always made it point to visit Harshini when ever possible. Am I visiting her just because I enjoy her company or I had a thing for her mother? I was a regular visitor to her house till that day when she was out for shopping with her friends. Her mom invited me in and offered me a cup of coffee. One thing led to the other and in sometime we were in the master bedroom and we were lip locked and my hands were moving over her body when Harshini rang the door bell. I suddenly got my consciousness back and left the house after exchanging pleasantries with Harshini.

I didn’t return for at-least two weeks till Harshini asked me to drive her to Thane to meet her friend. I drove her to Thane and dropped her where she asked me to. She got out of the car and was crossing the road. I just closed my eyes when a speeding car hit her. I could see my Harshini lying on the road covered in blood. I ran out to her and picked up her in my hands and I collided down on the road. When I got the consciousness back I was in a Hospital. I asked about Harshini and came to know that she was in ICU. It was the second time I’m gonna watch her in the ICU. I slowly gathered courage and waked towards the ICU.

Her mom was sitting there and I could see her eyes were moist. She buried her face on my chest and started crying. I didn’t know how to react to her. I made her sit and I sat next to her. She held my arms and kept her head over my shoulder. I could feel the wetness of her tears over my shoulder. She wiped her tears and told me that I need to go away from her life. I was shocked and didn’t know what she was speaking. I just stared at her as she continued. You are not good for us. After you came to our life it is the second time my daughter is in ICU. You are also making me think about my old days. 

A nurse came down and told us, Harshini is awake and is asking for mom and someone called Vineesh.  I stood up to walk towards the ICU, she came in front of me and stopped me. Please stay away from my kid. I’m dead serious. Make some stories and go away from Mumbai. I didn’t know what to do. I just stood still watching her walk into the ICU and she turned back once and turned away and the door closed in front of me. I walked out of the hospital like I’ve lost my world. Next day I put my papers and planned to move to city of Gardens from City of Dreams.

It was difficult for me to forget everything and live a normal life in this city. I desperately needed a change. I’ve completed three quarters of my notice period and have not met or talked to Harshini or her mom. Today she called me up and told it was Harshini’s B’day and she is still in ICU and her chances of recovery is minimal. She wanted me to wish her Happy Birthday on phone and stay away from her.  I was singing “Happy B’day” jingle over the phone. I didn’t care about the staring co-passengers. I don’t remember last time when did I cry. Today once I completed the Happy B’day Jingle my eyes were moist. I know Harshini would have heard every word I sang even though she cannot respond.